Hi!

I've decided to come back writing on this page, finally. it's been a while since i last wrote and many things have happened during this time. For one, i finally finished my A levels, and yes, for these few months i'm so glad that i do not have to touch my books again. On the other hand, however, i now am busy preparing for my violin diploma which i will be taking in June this year. On top of that, I have just finished a job stint of 2 months at CPF Board and am taking driving lessons so that hopefully, one day i will be able to start driving to wherever i want to go.

Firstly, I finally got back my A level results and to be brutally honest, i was not the least bit pleased with my results. On one hand, i was so disappointed in myself and began doubting whether it was just because i was not cut out for academics. But then, after i calmed down, i realised the problem. It was not because i was not smart enough, given that i had still managed to get into top schools for my secondary and junior college education - schools that people all want to get in. the problem was perhaps because i thought that being in such schools will sort of 'guarantee' that i do well, since majority of the cohort excels eventually. Also, since we always hear about how well the school does in the A levels and you kind of program yourself to believe that you will be one of those people who score straight distinctions because it is a relatively huge proportion of the school that will be able to do that. however, what i failed to realise was that despite the fact that there are the majority of students that do incredibly well, there are others, albeit the minority, that do not. So when i did badly in the internal exams, i just comforted myself by saying that its ok, since my seniors didnt do well in school exams but eventually scored in the a levels. because i was constantly finding excuses to justify why i did badly - the paper is too hard, my teacher did not teach me that, im just weak in this subject - i was putting my focus in the wrong place, and not paying attention to the real reasons behind why i did not do as well as i wanted. for one, my studying methods were not the most efficient. secondly, i was definitely not as hard working as i was in say, secondary school. but anyway, what's done is done and i cant change my results. fortunately, my results, though horrible by my own personal standards and those of my school, were still able to get me into the course i wanted to study. beginning university would be a whole new chapter and a level results do not matter anymore. what i have to do now is to focus on the future i guess.

in the meantime, during this unprecedentedly long break i have been able to enjoy, i took up an administrative job at CPF board. the contract lasted for 2 months. even though i would say that like all other admin jobs, the job scope is incredibly repetitive and mundane, i was very fortunate to be able to work with extremely nice and fun people. i was initially afraid that i would not be able to communicate or get along with with the other staff, but my worries were shelved when i found out that the staff in the department i worked in were definitely come of the most friendly people around. to top that all off, i made friends with a couple of other temp staff and we really enjoyed each other's company.

i have also joined a string quartet and played several gigs along the way. my first gig was voluteering to perform to old folks in a ageing home. it was one of the best experiences of my life. they were singing along to the music we are playing and genuinely thankful for our performance. there was one old man in particular, who thanked us profusely after every song we played. this experience made me rediscover the reason why i love music so much. music has the unique ability to bring different people together and connect regardless of who you are where you are from. it was the ability to touch the hearts of people, bring back certain emotions and memories. my first paid gig was at a wedding. we got to meet incredibly musicians such as singapore's pop duo Jack and Rai. i really enjoy mixing around with fellow musicians, sharing tips and experiences. something about music can allow complete strangers to instantly feel so connected with one another in that instance when you say "hey! i play music too!" and from there, cue the endless conversations.

my violin exam is coming up very soon and i am pretty daunted by it. firstly because i am extremely terrified of performing on my own. when i get nervous, my bow bounces like a ping pong ball and my pitch, intonation and everything else goes wrong. to top that off, because it is a diploma exam, the pieces are very difficult and incredibly challenging for me. i have never been technically great in my playing and that makes things worse because i have to struggle with all the technical aspects of playing those songs. but nevertheless, i am hoping that my passion will override the lack of confidence in my abilities and hopefully as long as i practice hard, i should be fine.

lastly, i recently started driving lessons and i have to say, they are really fun! the only annoying part of it i guess is the theory bit. not so much learning those information, but rather booking the evaluations and tests. they are such a chore. but anyway, when i finally get my licence, it will be worth it!

That was a really long post. but, anyway i'm going to end here. hopefully the next time i post won't be too far off since i am quite free now haha.